


Back and Forth

by boxuan



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/F, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 08:28:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12032052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxuan/pseuds/boxuan
Summary: When Nico dreamed about Maki’s wedding she actually didn’t imagine her spouse being someone else than her, but that’s probably just how life is sometimes.





	Back and Forth

Nico has seen Maki in every situation and probably every clothing. She can imagine her crying - unhappy - face perfectly when she closes her eyes - red eyes, the crunched nose, the trembling underlip, her glowing skin when tears are wetting her cheeks.

She also sees her happy face under her lids. Glistening eyes that pull Nico into something she can’t quite put her finger on, maybe the - temporary - satisfaction Maki is living in that moment. Her gummy smile that is only visible when she beams

and her red cheeks.

Maki being frustrated shows in frowning and chewing on pens, while she expresses desperation through ruffling her hair and biting her lip.

She’s annoyed when she curls her hands into fists and lets out an “tch” sound multiply, deadpanning.

 

After almost two years being exes, Nico still knows Maki’s wardrobe. She hasn’t been to her flat since then, but Maki rarely goes shopping, she knows. She doubts she has bought anything in those past 22 months.

Of course, there are Maki’s work clothes - white coats with her hospital’s name sewed in. She owns three, a regular one, another when her usual coat is being washed and the last one for emergencies. Maki likes to plan things, Nico remembers.

(Even when all strings tear, Maki still won’t buy more. She’s too stubborn to abandon her plan, no matter how well it’s working. Nico used to roll her eyes about that and she still does.)

Then, street wear. Turtlenecks in dull colors, bland red, blue and black. Classical jeans. Some T-shirts and tops as sleepwear. If you searched long enough, you could probably find also some shorts, even though Maki doesn’t like bare skin.

(Nico persuaded her into buying before they broke up.) Some bikinis, expensive shoes and unworn hats are findable, too. Maki has a whole second wardrobe for evening wear. Since she has been attending galas for years - Nico believes her parents

started dragging her to them when she was a child -, Maki owns at least two dozen dresses.

Everyone who has meet her would have bet their lives that those dresses are visibly similar by color or design, but they aren’t. She’s got a rainbow out of different materials, colors and cut in her wardrobe for any event. Bright, short dresses for

weddings and birthdays or any day occasion. Long dresses, their noble hems sneaking on the floor, worn with gloves covering her whole forearm. Skirts and trousers that cost probably a few thousands of dollars, shoes with the typical red sole,

necklaces and bracelets.

(Ironically, Maki has never been the type to wear rings.)

 

Because of Maki’s second, colorful wardrobe, Nico can’t say that she’s surprised when she hears that Maki started dating Kotori after they broke up. Nico and Kotori are definitely more different than alike, starting from appearance. Maki always used

to tease Nico about her height, but now she’s the smaller one in the relationship. Kotori’s light, shoulder-long hair and Nico’s almost touches her coccyx after years of growing it out. Black as a raven.

Kotori is soft and gentle, and when she was younger she swallowed her feelings. She has learned how to open up to Maki, though.

Nico is hard and rude and never learned how to do that.

 

What Maki and her had was rough, in a good - hot - way, of course, but they were always a mess. Like love is when it’s the first one.

(For Nico, also the true, the only love she wanted to experience.)

She guesses Maki doesn’t feel quite the same as her when she reads the invitation to her and Kotori’s wedding.

 

Nico clicks her pen while staring at the invitation. _We’re happy to declare our_ \- Ugh. Does she even need to go? Kotori is her friend, but Maki is her ex. That probably outweighs an old friendship.

She glares at the picture of them adorning the noble, stiff paper. Maki’s eyes aren’t glistening and her gummy smile isn’t showing. An idea forms in Nico’s head, just to be pushed away by her memory of Maki hating cameras.

Maki’s happy.

She must be.

Nico’s just interpreting things with a misted mind.

She sends Kotori a short message - _got your invitation, I’m coming_ \- and a second after. _Congratulations, by the way_.

 

Nico isn’t sure if she still loves Maki, but lately it has been feeling like she does. When she imagines her in front of the altar with Kotori, she can feel her fingertips turn cold and her heart burning. Or rather, with anyone. Kotori isn’t the problem.

 

Sometimes, when she has good news, like a raise or a random compliment from someone she isn’t close to, Nico itches to tell Maki until she remembers that she can’t anymore. Her heart falls every time, her eyes get a little bit more dead.

 

 

“Are you coming to the wedding?”, Nozomi asks her, hesitantly.

“Yeah”, Nico answers, looking rather at her fingernails than at her. “Kotori is my friend. Why shouldn’t I?” It’s mean, Nico knows. Nozomi is the type to sugarcoat, to rip off the bandaid gently and not at once. Making her to speak out the cold truth -

that it’s questionable to visit the wedding since she and Maki were a thing, were together once - is plainly cruel.

“Sorry”, Nico mutters through a pressed jaw. “I’m coming. I just don’t know what to wear yet.”

She really doesn’t. She tried to buy one online, but thoughts like “Oh, Maki’s favorite color”, “I bet Maki would love this” or “Maki wears this designer a lot” suffocated her brain until she wanted to slam her head on the keyboard.

 

“Do you have an escort?”

“No, I’m going alone. You’re with Eli?”

“Yeah, but we can drive there together, can’t we?”

“Sure.”

 

The first months before the wedding fade slowly, like gum pulled apart, but when it’s the last week, the days fly away and in the span of a blink, Saturday has come and Nico stands in the shower, getting ready. She’s glad she has a routine - shower,

skincare, drying her hair, getting into her brand new red dress, make up - because this way she can distract herself, not having to think about her first - true - love marrying someone else. Unfortunately, because the marriage takes place in some

hall far away and Eli took the wheel, Nico has a lot of time to think about that while staring out of the car’s window, not really seeing the landscape hushing by.

 

 

They are greeted immediately by Umi when they arrive. “Hi, Nozomi, Eli”, she says, hugging them, “Nico.” She breathes out.

Nico nods at her. Umi has been a bit cold towards her since she and Maki broke up, which isn’t surprising, given that Umi and Maki have been friends for years and the breakup left Maki broken.

(From what Nico heard. After all, she hasn’t seen her in almost two years.)

 

“Nico, Kotori said she wants to see you”, Umi says politely, “go up the stairs and then the third door left.” Nico blinks.

“Alright, see you later.”

She walks upstairs, taking every step slowly, clinging to the banister. Why on earth would Kotori want to see her?

 

“Nico!”, Kotori beams as Nico slowly enters the room. She takes her dress in her hands and hurries towards Nico, at least as fast as it’s possible.

“You look… amazing”, Nico gulps, carefully hugging Kotori. She’s afraid to ruin her dress. “Thank you”, Kotori smiles, humble as ever.

“So”, Nico mumbles, not sure what to say in the silence that laid upon them, “are you nervous?”

“Not at all. I’m marrying the love of my life”, she chuckles. Nico’s smile is thin.

“Isn’t the ceremony starting soon? Shouldn’t I get downstairs…?”, Nico asks, but Kotori shakes her head and takes her hands.

“I… want to ask you a favor”, she says, biting her lips, “I know you and Maki- parted some time ago, but can you distract her a bit?”

 

Nico can’t help but frown at Kotori’s choice of words. Kotori rips off the bandaid at once, quickly, but with comforting words afterwards. So this emphasis seems weirdly off.

 

“Sure”, Nico eventually says, the word rolling off her tongue. “Why not.” She instantly remembers at least a hundred reasons why exactly she shouldn’t. “For you, Kotori.“ (That’s what she tells herself.) "See you later.”

 

Nico knocks on the door which Maki is behind, bracing herself. She hasn’t seen her in almost two years, hasn’t heard that nasal, light voice in almost two years.

“Come in”, Maki says and Nico flinches. _Fuck_. She brushes the non existent wrinkles on her dress straight, straightens her back and then enters, lowering her head.

She doesn’t see Maki until she lifts her head. She immediately wishes she didn’t.

Maki looks more stunning than ever before, literally, she takes Nico’s breathes away. Nico didn’t realize she stopped breathing until her lungs seem to explode.

 

“Hi”, she finally croaks, clearing her throat afterwards. Maki was frozen when she saw Nico, but she seems to melt at once.

“What do you want?”, Maki huffs, her chest lowering and rising. Nico sees it with a certain, hard smugness - Maki hasn’t changed, acting cool when her mind is puzzled.

“Right now? I’m pretty hungry, so”, Nico shrugs, her hands trembling, “maybe a piece of pizza or something.”

“What do you want _here_ , Yazawa?”, she hisses back, “Is it a hobby of yours to creep on your exes?”

“Kotori wanted me to be here.” Nico leans against the now closed door. “You’re lucky to have someone so chill about your exes.”

 

It’s a shot into the blue, but a well aimed one. Maki flinches and the coldness in her eyes fades.

 

“Oh my-”, Nico starts laughing because honestly, this is just _too_ funny. She would have never guessed. “She doesn’t _know_? Kotori doesn’t know we were in a relationship?”

“Because it wasn’t serious”, Maki blurts out and Nico’s laugh is suddenly suffocated. They’re both silent for a moment. Maki is visibly struggling with herself, not sure if she should take her words back or not.

Her pride wins. She remains still.

 

“So you were lying to me?”, Nico says, falling onto a chair that’s next to Maki. Maki backs off. “What? I’m not a liar”, she frowns, realizing too late that she went into the trap.

“So you did love me.” Nico wants to say it with a smug expression, but it only comes off empty.

Maki turns around, pretending to overdo her make up. “‘Course I did.” She stops. “We were together for a long time.”

 

“Then why doesn’t your financée know?”

“I worded it wrongly. It simply doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

Nico hums, overplaying the hole in her chest that keeps ripping bigger with every word Maki spits. “You know, we never talked about what happened.”

“It’s because we never fucking talked, honey”, Maki laughs, bitterly, and the way she turns the usually lovely name into something that mocks her disgusts Nico.

 

“Whose fault is that?”

“Not mine.”

“Still lying to yourself, I see.”

 

“Get lost, Yazawa”, Maki growls.

“Forget it.” Nico changes the position in her chair, crossing her legs. “I like it here. It’s comfy.”

Maki sighs. “Whatever. Just don’t annoy me.”

Nico watches her careful, tiny movements while perfecting her face. (Not that there is room for much improvement, Nico thinks.)

“You know”, Nico starts again, “I never wanted to take that job abroad.”

Maki’s hands freeze. “Then why did you? We broke up over this job.” Her voice is calm, but her fingers tremble. She lays them into her lap and turns around, locking eyes with Nico.

“You…”, Nico bites her lip, “When I first mentioned it, you didn’t seem to care at all. I guess I wanted to see if you did if i left.”

“I did”, Maki simply answers. “I did care about my feelings. That’s why I wanted to quit the long distance relationship.”

 

“Now I’m here.”

 

They both freeze. Nico closes her eyes. _Shit._

 

"Excuse me?”, Maki narrows her eyes. What do you mean?”

“I mean”, Nico stands up, collecting her courage, and takes a step forward. Maki stays still, but Nico would bet it’s only her pride holding her back.

 

“Don’t marry Kotori. Run away with me.”

 

Yes, Nico knows Maki perfectly well. She has seen her in every situation. Red eyes, crunched nose, trembling lips.

 

“Are you”, she breathes in, brows furrowed, “fucking _insane,_ Nico?”

 

Nico doesn’t answer. “What are you trying to do?”, she hisses, “ruin my wedding? Playing with my feelings?”

“No, I’m trying to save the rest of your life”, Nico says, taking Maki’s hand. Maki doesn’t pull it back and Nico’s courage flutters in her chest.

“You’re not happy, Maki, I know you.” She bites on her lips when Maki lowers her gaze.

 

“Tell me you want to be with Kotori and I will leave you alone.”

 

Maki’s hand trembles in hers when she lets go. Nico feels like she’s been ripped off Maki.

 

“Please”, Maki’s voice breaks, “go now, Nico. The wedding is going to start soon.”

 

 

Nico wants to sit in the last row, but because her friends are sitting in the first, she falls down on the seat next to Eli. The church is almost full, she’s the last one to arrive. (Besides the brides, of course.)

“Is everything okay?”, Eli whispers, and for a horrible moment Nico thinks she’s talking about Maki and her until she remembers that no one knows and that Eli is referring to her initially checking on Kotori.

“Yes, everything’s fine”, Nico mumbles back. “Everything’s just _perfect_.”

Eli doesn’t hear the bitter tone in Nico’s voice.

 

“Minami Kotori, will you have Nishikino Maki to be your wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony ; will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only for her so long as you both shall live?”

 

“I will.” Kotori beams, brushing her thumbs over Maki’s hands. They’re standing face to face - with her shoes Maki is as tall as her -, and look at each other. Seemingly seeing nothing else.

 

“And you, Nishikino Maki, will you have Minami Kotori, to be your wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony ; will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only for her so long as you both shall live?”

 

Maki’s eyes flinch to Nico’s direction and back to Kotori so quickly Nico isn’t sure if she only imagined it.

Maki squeezes Kotori’s hands, lightly to the others, but to Nico she seems clinging.

 

“I will.”

 

Nico has seen Maki in every clothing, but now she’s just afraid she won’t see it ever again.

 

 

_Epilogue_

 

 

“Maki, come back to bed”, Kotori purrs, and then changes to pouting at once when Maki shakes her head. “In a second”, she says, “I still need to brush my teeth.”

“Hurry!”, Maki hears her when she closes the door after her. She shambles in front of the mirror and shuts her eyes.

 

_Married_.

To a second love.

 

She mechanically takes her toothbrush.

 

Marriage lasts forever.

 

Maki lowers her gaze when she sees her red eyes, crunched nose so her lip won’t start trembling.

 

They lay in bed, together, but it doesn’t feel like they’re united.

 

 

“Hey, Kotori”, Maki breathes, “do you believe in first love?” Kotori blinks.

“Huh? Of course I do. Your my first love.” And, then:“ Do you, Maki?”

 

Maki stares at the ceiling, trying to blink the silhouette that keeps coming up in her mind away. It’s not working.

 

“Yeah, I think I do.”


End file.
